and no PhD

My kid won't focus in college and finish... he keeps changing majors and has now been in school for seven years. What do I do?!

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Ah, this is a tough one... as I spent fifteen years on and off in college gathering a few degrees here and there. But I was paying my own way, so I don't feel so bad about my decisions. And I gained all sorts of great knowledge. Just rollin' around in smartiness... if I could remember any of it.

Anyway! I recommend Kicking and Screaming. No, no, not the Will Ferrell soccer movie. This one is a bit older, from 1995. Quotes galore, and a fella named Chet to encourage anyone to possibly move along a bit and actually look forward to life after college. Think of Chet as the college version of Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused... which your son could also watch, but that may actually make him forget college all together and go back to high school.

Doctor Borderless

Max: I don't need to go to a campus bar to be reminded of my lack of success with a bunch of thrill seeking snotty college kids.

Skippy: That's us; we're like celebrities to them.

Max: No, we were celebrities. Now going back would be like doing Hollywood Squares.

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Sounds like a cry for help to me. Sounds like they learned from their parental units the potential downfall of committing. Sounds like they're just pissin' away your money and procrastinating. Sounds like they've embraced the life of slacker, know more than most of the teaching assistants saddled with teaching undergrad classes for assclown professors that they no longer respect and are fighting the future eventuality of joining the rest of the work force drones. Sounds like they don't even call or send a card on birthdays and holidays. Sounds like they have mastered the art of...oh..uh..er...ahem...well...of course, I could be completely off the mark and simply projecting my own neuroses into the mix.Watch the following with your filial child and see if they improve, although if they've been attending college for as long as you say, they've probably already seen or own these. Still, watch with them so at the very least the bonding can begin and they won't think any less of you than they already do.You're welcome. -Doctor Hoo

Animal House
Real Genius

Old School
House Bunny
Back to School -freakin' Kurt Vonnegut is in this! Vonnegut!
and remind them that even Van Wilder graduated!